Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
soo... how was my night?
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