totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
