Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
