my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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