i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
