This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
