I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
