Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
