just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
