she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
