He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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