from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
