Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
