walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
