i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
did i just pee glitter
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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