alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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