I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
