i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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