i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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