Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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