honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he wants to bone in the snuggie
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
