He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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