Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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