I accidentally had phone sex last night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
