every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
