We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
