all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
