He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
is wine microwaveable?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
