Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
