Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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