Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
