Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
