It's Friday. Sex?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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