She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
