I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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