I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
