My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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