remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
