you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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