this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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