goodnight i made you a song goodbye
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
