She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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