He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
