dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
