Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
