"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
