I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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