If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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