What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
