how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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