I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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